Second Thoughts
by dragonsunlight
Summary: [One shot] Kouji has second thoughts about living and decides to end it all.


Disclaimer-If I owned Digimon that would be awesome. How unfortunate that I don't.

Summary- One shot Kouji has second thoughts about living and decides to end it all.

A/N-Kouji has second thoughts about living. Hmm. How original. I made him a bit OOC, I guess…I don't think he's the type to kill himself, but hey, flashes of insight don't come every single second, do they? Besides, when I thought of it, it was in an IM conversation for a different fanfic…

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Second Thoughts

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Kouji stared at the lake before him. How peaceful it must be to drown...floating along in the deep water without a care in the world. He might as well end it now. He was all alone again...

_All alone. All I've ever been was alone_, he thought bitterly.

Sighing, Kouji waded into the water. Their tight-knit group had fallen into pieces. Takuya and Izumi...

They were going out. Even Kouichi, his own twin brother had found someone else. He was all alone again, and no one cared.

Although Junpei and Tomoki didn't exactly fall in love, they had their own lives, leaving Kouji with his life of endless loneliness.

But something was holding him back. _Yes...I'm alone. I know that. Why can't I just jump in and die...?_ Kouji closed his eyes as he waded even deeper into the water, which was now up to his knees. He laughed inwardly. _So this is what it's like to drown in endless darkness...to be alone, forgotten...never loved. _

A few more steps. Then he would be free from this world. It tired him so...he wished to be free. _Only a few more steps... _

He remembered, earlier that week, when he had asked Kouichi if he could spend time together...so they could do some 'twin bonding' again. Kouichi was the one who had suggested the idea after all...

_"Hey, Kouichi, you busy tomorrow?" Kouji asked with a small smile, looking at his twin. _

Kouichi smiled back, apologetically. "Sorry, Kouji, but I'm going out. How about next week?" his twin replied.

Hiding his pain, which threatened to cloud his face, Kouji forced a smile and nodded. "Yeah, next week."

He was pathetic to ever think Kouichi cared about him. Kouichi had better things to do. They all did. Even Junpei had better things to do, now that he was running his own magic show. Tomoki had become his stage helper, and the two had made a great profit. Sure, Kouji was happy for them…but…

_I guess money's more important than spending time together. I would certainly agree, I guess_, Kouji thought, taking a few more steps so the water was now up to his knees. He shivered, opening his eyes and ignoring the numbing cold liquid that splashed around him. He'd been through worse, after all, hadn't he? The day before, Takuya had cancelled their hang out for a date with Izumi, after all.

_"Wooh! I scored a date with Izumi!" Takuya yelled, nearly throwing his cell phone into the air. "Don't be afraid to tell me how great I am." _

Kouji laughed. "When?"

"OH SHOOT!" yelped Takuya, jumping up. "Ah…hey, Kouji, uhm, we're going out tomorrow. I…I'm gonna have to cancel that trip to the arcade," he mumbled.

Kouji shook his head. "Just have fun," he replied with a grin.

Kouji took another step, feeling water rush past his waist. _This is deep enough. I wonder if the darkness is this cold_, he wondered, taking a deep breath.

There was a ring that distracted him, then another. _My cell phone_, thought Kouji. Smiling sadly, he took it out of his jacket pocket, which had somehow managed to stay out of the water. He turned around to face a grassy area for his phone to land on and spotted a patch of tall grass. _It should soften the fall…at least they'll know where I am_, thought Kouji, throwing his phone. _As if they care_.

The phone continued to ring, but Kouji was too determined to end it all now. _How pathetic. Even they would agree_.

_"Hey, Junpei, Tomoki…you guys busy?" asked Kouji, "If you aren't, I thought we could head to the arcade…" _

He could practically hear Junpei wince over the phone. "Uh…sorry Kouji, but me an' Tomoki got a major magic show. We're gonna make big money offa this one! And then we can all go to the arcade whenever we want! But uhm…how about sometime later?" Junpei suggested.

"Gimme that," Tomoki said from the side, but Kouji could hear clearly. As Junpei handed the phone over, Kouji sighed. Tomoki's voice snapped him out of his thoughts, "Hey, Kouji, er-wanna watch our show? For you it's free!" he offered.

Kouji smiled at Tomoki's sincerity. "Thanks, but I don't think I should. Have fun. And I hope you guys make the money you want," he said, hanging up. His eyes clouded over, making Kouji look as if he were in some sort of trance. "I'll just…go for a walk."

Of course, maybe it had been Kouji's fault for calling that early in the morning. It was when he decided to go for that walk that he realized they might be better off without him. That was when he realized the lake was the perfect way to rid the world of himself. _If only I had thought of it earlier… _

He had cleared his entire calendar for them. He felt guilty for not spending enough time with them. Maybe it was revenge for that lack of time…last year he _had_ been busy. But he wanted to make it up to them, and now that he had cleared _his_ calendar…they were busy.

The water now reached his neck. Had Kouji not set his sights on death, the water would be numbing, but as he was about to die anyway, he thought it mattered little. The numbness was nothing compared to death…eternal darkness. Was this how Kouichi had felt when Cherubimon had poisoned him with lies and made him try to destroy Kouji? Kouji could certainly understand now. But he would end it. And everyone would be happy. He would be happy. They all would. He would make sure of that.

Taking another step, Kouji felt himself float to the surface of the lake, his feet barely touching the floor. Satisfied, he swam out into a deeper portion, then stopped and looked at the water. _It's time… _

Without another thought, Kouji plunged into the water, ignoring-no, not hearing the desperate calls for him to stop.

Darkness awaited him.

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"KOUJI!" Kouichi yelled, running over to the lake and stopping for a mere second. Realizing his twin had no intention of resurfacing, Kouichi muttered a curse and dived in, hoping he wasn't too late.

By the lake's edge, Izumi buried her face into Takuya's shirt, doing her best not to cry, while Tomoki squeezed his eyes shut, afraid of the worst.

Junpei was pacing and muttering, "Kouji…what possessed you?" in an irritated tone.

Takuya, on the other hand, merely gritted his teeth. "You…stupid…if you live, I swear, by the time I'm through…" His left hand, which was rubbing Izumi's back, stopped its job and clenched into a fist. Takuya let out a growl, "That stupid little…"

In less than a minute, Kouichi resurfaced, gasping. Kouji was unconscious in his arms, but they could all see Kouichi was struggling to keep floating. "TAKUYA GET IN HERE AND HELP!" bellowed the struggling Kouichi, who nearly submerged into the icy waters again.

Izumi let go of Takuya and looked away from the lake, not wishing to see Kouji, afraid he might be dead. Jumping in, Takuya swam over and helped Kouichi drag his twin onto the lake's edge. Then, he pulled himself out of the lake, and helped Kouichi out as well.

"Is he…okay?" asked Kouichi in a barely audible voice.

Izumi turned to see Kouji who lay on the grass, unconscious. "I…Junpei! You check! I don't know how," she blurted out, dropping to her knees with wide eyes.

Quietly, Tomoki walked over and checked Kouji's pulse. A few seconds later, Tomoki mumbled, "Kouji's alive, but…he's…what made him want to drown anyway!"

They all fell quiet until Kouji started coughing up water. "Ughack!" he gasped, taking in a deep breath as he opened his eyes. "What…are…you guys…?" He looked up at Kouichi. "Why couldn't I have been saved by a pretty girl instead?" grumbled Kouji.

Much more incensed than ever, Kouichi glared. "You. Stupid. Idiot. We give you a party and you nearly drown!"

"Party?" repeated Kouji, not even bothering to sit up. "But I thought-"

Izumi stood up and placed her hands on her hips. She glared down at Kouji. "No buts!" she snapped.

Takuya brushed off some excess water from his arm. "It took us more than a month to prepare it, too. And do you know how long it took to plan it! About a week! Kouichi was running around all over the place trying to figure out what to do and what to get! He complained about how since you were his twin he should do all the work. SHEESH! AND THEN YOU TRY TO DROWN YOURSELF!" Takuya yelled, flinging the water at Kouji.

Kouji sat up and looked down at his shoes. "You were ignoring me…"

Without any warning, Kouichi and Takuya punched Kouji, who fell back down due to the impact.

Covering either eye, Kouji snapped, "OW, THAT HURT! Couldn't you have punched me one by one!" Slowly, he tried to open each eye, succeeding, although it stung.

The two glared at him. "NO," the replied in unison.

Kouichi continued, "You clear your stupid calendar, finally, too! And we set up 'Kouji's not busy, finally!' party, too! AND JUST WHEN WE CALL YOU TO COME OVER, WE FIND YOU DROWNING YOURSELF! YOU ARE NOT MY TWIN!" Pausing, Kouichi added, "Or my brother."

Junpei let out a snicker, remembering how close the two were in the digital world, and would have laughed, had Izumi not elbowed him.

Kouji sat up again, leaning back so he rested on his hands. "So…the whole time…you weren't ignoring me?" He looked down, ashamed.

"NO! FOR THE LAST TIME!" they all yelled together.

A hand, belonging to Takuya, made it's way to Kouji, offering to help him up. Almost immediately, everyone else also held out his or her hand. Kouji stared at their hands, then looked up to see his friends, all of them smiling. _I was never alone_, he thought, standing up with their help. _And I never will be_. Putting on his goofiest grin, Kouji asked, "So where's the cake?"

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A/N-

Hahah…Review, please. I must say, there are _definitely_ parts that need shaping up, but I like it! Kouji going suicidal is funny. XP What's even funnier is that I haven't ever bothered to read a Digimon fanfic. And yet I'm writing one. Ah, the weirdness of some things. I value your reviews, PLEASE.

REVIEWS-

**Sora Keyblade**- Ah. Thanks. And I will. Er, hope you had better luck with your one-shot.

**AidoruForever**- Yeah, Kouji does seem suicidal in the show, if you really think about it. I'm planning a few more one-shots, and one of them is a definite humor.

**Dr.D76567**- Thank you. Yeah, it is a weird transition.

**MattTobiasMalfoy**- Glad to know you liked it. Harry Potter fan, too, are you?

**Mid-Moonlight**- ACK! Did it really make you cry? TT() sorry if it did. Actually, I was laughing the whole way through when I wrote it! Heeheehee…

**BlackLily13**- Ooh! You're going to read more of my stories! Thanks for all the support! You're awesome! Actually, I'm starting to wonder if there are any other suicidal Kouji fics out there. It would be awesome.

**Light's Blue Blossom**- You're right, suicidal _is_ more Kouichi-ish. But for some reason, I just like picking on Kouji. So he hates me.

**Wouldn't you like to know XD**- Cool! So you did an almost suicidal Kouichi? Nice. I shall go read. Thanks for the review.

**Secondhand Stars**- O.O he really _is_ in violent water…actually, I did something like…waist, neck, neck, but in between the two necks, I added that his jacket pocket managed to stay out of the water, so it would be…waist, neck, waist, neck. VERY violent water…AWESOME-no wait…that's bad…

**Kaburu**- Glad you liked it! It is sad, huh? I think I was depressed when I wrote it…

Ah…my goodness…I love you people sooo much! You're so awesome! (I mean, I myself would have probably never done this.)


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